Rugged Individual

“One of the most misunderstood aspects of American culture is the notion of rugged individualism.

“Rugged individualism is the idea that success is achieved by the individual, without the need for community or government support. ” While this idea can be empowering, it also comes at a cost: the erosion of community bonds.

Because it results in prioritizing individual success over collective welfare that weakens the social support systems that are vital for mental and emotional health. There is a common misconception that the degradation of society is due to a shift away from traditional or conservative values. But in reality the unraveling of community bonds is more about the unchecked rise of individualism. People aren’t turning away from each other because of inclusiveness, they’re turning away from each other because they’ve been conditioned to believe that self-reliance is the only way. They believe that everyone on the block should have their own lawnmower instead of everyone pitching in and sharing and maintaining ONE lawnmower and then pooling the money that everyone would have spent towards the invidiaul lawnmower towards something that would be beneficial to the whole community like a community garden community garden supplies, maintenance,organizing community events, block parties to foster connections, support local schools, youth programs, creating a community tool library for sharing other equipment etc, etc, you get the picture.

We are more concerned with having a better lawn than our neighbors, to do anything like that. This version of American individualism has created a culture where are isolated even when we are surrounded by others, where connection is secondary to competition. – DAISIA SADE

As we enter the hellscape that is a T second pres idency we see this ideology being pushed harder and harder. The “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps” so that those in charge can avoid blame So that Americans turn on each other instead of

so Trump has been in office two weeks. We’re in two four trade wars with our ALLIES, Ukraine is still in a war, American Citizens are being arrested by ICE due to racial profiling, and we’ve had our FIRST mid-air collision in 16 years, and second plane crash into a residential areas, thanks to Elon and his buddies firing key people in the FAA, they’ve tried to take away federal funding that’s already been approved, they’ve tried to end BIRTHRIght citizenship (which would question ALL of our citizenship statuses because.. we all didn’t “earn” citizenships here)

Elon has his fingers in the US Treasury which Idk are we not concerned about that? They’re trying to convince Americans to let go of their jobs and send them into an already crowded job market (And no those jobs the immigrants are “stealing” aren’t going to be an option for people living in fucking Washington DC/Pentagon or who don’t have those skills set. or pay)

On top of all that, every. single problem is being blamed on Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Accessibility. HE BLAMED A FUCKING PLAN CRASH ON DISABLED PEOPLE WITH NO EVIDENCE. like i knew he was stupid, but damn. He’s talking about some “common sense” well Mussellini, common sense tells you that the Air Traffic Controller working a two many job probably was doing the best he could and he couldn’t have any disability to work this job because its too. god damn hard on normal people.

Is this what you voted for?? Are you happy??

Lonely

I have never been the romantic type.

I should clarify, I lost my dreams of romance and grandure once I started dating men.

Its almost a refusal to let myself dream of those things any more, because I no longer believe it is possible for me. I think I am grieving that part of myself. I know it is due, in part to how I present myself in relationships, which is generally as a friend. A really good friend. A friend that LOVES deeply, but honestly has no boundaries.

And as such I get friend-zoned a lot.

I’ve had a lot of friends that I have been deeply in love with.
I eventually get tired of the anxiety, the wondering, the self-doubt and depression and attempt to extract myself from the situationship.

Inevitably I will get a declaration of love, or at least a desire to keep me around which is in turn flattering and maddening.

Years sir. You’ve had YEARS to tell me these things, and you are just now relieving yourself of these emotions that you have kept to yourself for so long?

I find myself in yet another pickle. I have not reached the point where I wish to move on. Quite the opposite if I were to be completely honest. I am in love. I have loved this person for over two years now. I have given them everything.

Yet I have no idea what they REALLY think of me.

I’m lonely for this person. It feels as if they are pushing me away to some extent. I miss them even though they are right in front of me.

I don’t know what to do.

I know what to do.

I just don’t want to do it.

E

December 2

Rowdy
5 Months Old

Outing & Training Session (30 minutes)
It’s taken a minute but I finally realized that I don’t have to go into a store to get her on an outing NOR does going into the same store have to be boring all the time. We can take our relaxation protocol anywhere, we can do challenges where we have to find so many random objects or something to keep this interesting.

Warm up – Relaxation Day 1 – Outside the car, to go ahead and get her head into a working space.

Walking on loose leash. Really working on her not keeping her head to the ground. Shoving treats in her face and asking her to look at me.

Today’s challenge was to find as many sets of stairs we could to tackle. We haven’t had the opportunity to walk many staircases, so I picked the one place I knew would have a lot of staircases, AND it didn’t hurt that today was beautiful out.

Going down them she was perfect, but going back up was the struggle that we had, but by the time we were done she walking like a pro. I did have the stick the treat bag in front of her nose to slow her down a bit, and that seemed to work.

We also spent some more time working on down stays in the amphitheater which is a great place to work on warm days.

Threw in some head collar training before we walked back to the car.

After that we went through Stanley’s and Big Lots. She pulled hard core through BL, so we really need to work on her leash walking skills.

30 Nov

Exercise:
Went to the park and let the dogs romp in a field and then at the dog park for about 30 minutes.

Outing:
None

Training Session
Backyard @ 4:45PM

Warm-up
Whole-body petting, touching her ears, toes, nose etc..

Roxy
15 minutes Total
8 minutes – Day 1 – Relaxation Protocol
She has a tough time holding the sit, so we missed a few of the markers. I made sure to position her on my left side for most of the protocol. We will definitely have to practice day 1 a few more times before I think she can progress to longer times. I think I have improved by not getting frustrated by exactly hitting every marker that was said.
Tomorrow: Repeat Day 1
She is not interested in much play, so will have to figure out a good transition from skill to skill.

Seated Obedience
5 Minutes
Sit, Down, Up Sit, Down stay. While she laid down, I stood up and sat down while she stayed in position. Will need to up this time frame for longer periods.
Tomorrow: 5 minutes, seated obedience

Head Collar Adjustments
5 minutes
We were going to work on her “stay” commands, but realizing how skittish she is around the head collar, we decided to work on her not ducking away from me when I come out with the leash. She was hesitant to approach but quickly began to take food from my hand with the leash in it, she let me brush her and touch her face with it. So I stopped the session there.

Rainy
Really want to work hard on her focus especially while on walks, and relaxation protocol as well.
15 minutes total
8 minutes – Day 1 – Relaxation Protocol
Rainy takes treats VERY slowly, so we had to wing it as the recording went on and she sniffed the treats. I realized I have to present to her nose first and then she’ll eat it. We used hot dogs and kibble, and some leftover gnocchi for this session. She was very happy with the hotdogs, and readily threw the kibble out. Picky bastard. She only broke the sit a few times to sniff a treat that had fallen to the floor. I feel we can move on to day 2
Tomorrow: Day 2

Focus:

So I saw a video about creating a protocol for the dog to refocus on you in which you always give treats, and thought I should just her name, but quickly realized if I am to reward each time I say the word, I saw her name then i would not be rewarding nearly enough for that word to be special. While she was responding faster to receiving hot dogs, tomorrow we will work on using the word “Look” or something else.

September 16

Today has been tough and its only 11:33.
My decision paralysis is through the roof right now, and its so freaking fucking difficult to make a decision on little things like starting work, or eating, or when to put the puppy down for her nap. It’s why I would make a terrible parent, because halfway through I’d want to give them away.
A group of guys on bikes just road past lol.

Having Reese is tough because she is kind of obnoxious about everything, so it makes it harder to be able to maintain the puppies training while also working with her.

I feel bad because she hasn’t been a walk in weeks, and I feel guilty for leaving the puppy walk going to do that. WHY? I don’t know.

I keep forgetting to take my meds. My house is in a state of disrray which makes it hard to consentrate

Its hard to relax when you’re trying to be hyper vigilant about a puppies potty training time.
I remind myself often that this is WEEK 1. We haven’t even made it through the end of the week. And she’ll be JUST FINE with some additional crate time.

FEB 17

I WOKE UP and the first panic I had was because my bank account was in the negative for the first time in a yEAR and the second time this week.

I wish I hadn’t decided to pack up my house so quickly.
I still have 27 days left with nothing significant to keep me busy during those days.

The biggest thing I am looking forward to with this house is having people over again. Never would I have considered myself a social butterfly, but my frequent job promotions over the past year (three to be exact) have really made me realize how few friends I have.

I need to feel like I’m a part of an organization. I need to feel like I matter to someone and right now I do not have those feelings.

I have a few plans in the works for 2021, provided this house purchase goes smoothly.

Hire a Personal Trainer

Get another large breed dog

Build a Fence

Pay off my Car

Build My Savings back Up

Make some new friends

Home Buying – Day 29

There are twenty nine days before I close on my new home. Does anyone else feel like something will jinx it to make the sale fall through? I’m terrified, excited, stressed, nervous and a little panicky!

There’s so much money that’s involved with the purchase of a home that they don’t tell you about! I was so focused on the down payment amount that I didn’t even take into account the money for closing, home inspection, termite inspection, the appraisal, the bank fees, the earnest money! Its easily another 2-3K on top of your closing and down payment.

Needless to say I ain’t doing this for a while!

However, I am excited to be able to have a place to call mine.
A place with plenty of natural light, an open floor plan, a semi-finished basement… a washer / dryer hookup!? It is really the little things can make a world of difference.

Its been time for me to move out of my lowly apartment. It’s served its purpose, but now its time to move on from its low ceilings (6ft), two windows with minimal sunshine, its one entrance / exit that has seen me up many a night worried about fires or breakins.

My nosy neighbors and apartment complex that refuses to let us spruce up the outside of our apartments with wreaths or flowering plants. My trashy neighbors who don’t think anything of dumping garbage beside the dumpster instead of IN IT. OR literally dumping a UHaul full of furniture in the back woods…

To say I’m counting down the days would be the world’s biggest understatement.

I have so many plans for this house, and I cannot wait to have this project to undertake.

My favorite part of this process is how many people have told me how much responsibility I am about to be burdened with (like no shit sherlock). Its almost as if my friends aren’t aware of how much I LOVE being responsible for things. I am the OLDEST child, responsibility is the only thing I KNOW.

So thank you for the information, I CANT WAIT.

Schools Out Forever!

I am no longer a college student. It feels weird to say – being a college student has been my LIFE for the past eleven years. ELEVEN. What do I do now? 

Now I am faced with things such as starting a new job, leaving my old job, my old friends, my old comforters, and (mostly) the perks that came with working for the government. I have to think about things such as 401K’s, Retirement, HSA’s, Student Loans, and the all important performance factor. 

I also am faced with some intense realities of what I want out of life… and that is: I don’t really know. 

Now that I’ve achieved my biggest life goal (to date!), I feel kind of like a fish out of water. What do I do now? People keep asking me the “how does it feel to be a college graduate!?” question – to which I answer blithely .. “I don’t know! I haven’t graduated yet!” 

For me, I hoped that graduation from college meant that I finally had that job that moved me out of this town. I finally had a chance to start fresh with new people, new adventures, new places and new challenges. 
I’d hoped to move to a place where I didn’t constantly run into ex’s at bars around town, or just have to constantly be reminded of exes at certain events or places. 

But that is not the case. I did receive a excellent position with a very well established company, but its local. While the potential to move out of state is a very real possibility with this company, the delay makes my graduation a bit more anti-climatic. 

Despite the feelings of “blahness” surrounding my life right now, I am excited for this new chapter of my life to start – even if it is in the same place the last chapter ended. 

I just have to keep looking for the good and magnifying that. 

Instant Family

Instant Family Movie Poster

This weekend i watched Instant Family.

My friends got a babysitter for their six year old and decided that their date night needed a third wheel so I offered up my services.

I have accepted that this is officially my lot in life. To third wheel all events from now to eternity. In reality I could have had a date for this event, some dude I met months ago at a friends wedding, was texting me trying to get me to come to his place, and I invited him to come with me instead, and he declined so it was *almost* a double date but oh well.

We wound up going to the AMC in Maryville because it was the only one with a showing at a reasonable hour. Our original plan had to be scrapped due to my friend’s babysitter arriving late and the Cinnabarre’s 8PM showing being sold out.

Upon arrival, I see the cop on duty is the guy that got my number for my ex-boyfriend since he was chicken to ask for it himself.

Awkward (the seeing the cop, not the other one) he recognized me. I waved.

I’ve got to get out of this town.

The movie itself was great. I was afraid it would be incredibly unrealistic and happy go lucky. But it wasn’t. Yes, there were definitely cringe-worthy moments but it crossed all spectrum of the emotes. Happy, sadness, anger, anguish. I wanted to run out and about some teenagers … but then I remember I have friends that I’m currently parenting, badly, so I have officially decided to remain childless until further notice.

That being said adoption is still very near and dear to my heart. That and I have very little desire to actually go through a pregnancy myself due to the fact that is literally the most traumatizing thing to put your body through (my opinion but literally ask anyone).

Despite that my baby fever is at an all-time high, and I’m v tempted to ask my ex to be my baby daddy cause he’d be a good one.

No chance. No way. I won’t say…

Yes I’m still in love with him. Shut up.