#intentional

Ya’ll already know what it is! (Now watch me whip…)

I’m just kidding. (But yes, that song is stuck in my head now)

Every where you go on the internet nowadays you can see someone talking shit about 2016 (as if it did something to them personally) which, I get, its been a hell of a year. But let’s be honest… a lot of it, we did to ourselves… I can admit that at least.

I literally had no goals for 2016, and while I thought at the time I was being badass, bucking the trend, taking life by the horns, dealing with what came at me,  when it came, I can’t say that it was a better way to live. ( I did have one goal actually, and definitely crushed it this year, but I can’t tell you what it is…) 

The majority of the reasons this year sucked, was  was a result of my actions / inaction. I started last year in a place of confusion, stress and anxiety; which continued to play out throughout the remainder of the year.

Twenty-Sixteen was the year I fell in love, a first for me to be honest; and  I didn’t know how to cope. I know that might sound strange, but this is who I am. I allowed that person to dictate my every action, to a point where I felt like I started to lose who I was as a person.

This is not to say that this is their fault, by any means, I fully own my actions. But they were the catalyst to many decisions I made over the year. I wanted to impress them, so I did things that perhaps could have waited, in order to prove to them that I was worth being around. #insecurityforthewin

Looking back, I sometimes am not sure how I “survived.”

The emotional anxiety of being in a relationship with no definition, the stress of finding roommates, finding somewhere to live, dealing with work stress, job hunting, passing classes, the financial burden of sick animals, traveling, maintaining friendships, losing friends…the recognition of developing a generalized anxiety disorder.. felt like too much for one person at times. Despite all of that, there were still bright spots.

I’ve formed close bonds with my coworkers, made new friends, took a cruise to the Bahamas, Road tripped from Montana to Tennessee, passed all my classes with A’s and B’s. (Except for one out lier, but that doesn’t count) and obtained a new job.

Twenty-Seventeen will be different.

They gon say they hard, I’m a say I’m harder
They gon say they grind, I’m a grind smarter
They gon say they shining but the lights is on me
Only three things:
Stunt
Shine
And flex!

Ballin Hard /  Wacka Flocka Flame

That Guy and I agreed to take a break for a couple of months to reevaluate things. If we’re not on the same page this time around, I’m out. (That sounds cold, but i’m really freaking out about this) 

Obviously I’ve made a change in my work situation.

This coming semester I will only take two classes instead of 3-4 (pushing on potential graduation dates, but I’ve got to do what’s best for me) 

I’m going to continue therapy… not a huge fan of it to be honest, but I will see it through.

I will be more intentional about how I live life. Last year I floated, took things as they came, made decisions on a whim instead of planning like I normally do. I thought perhaps I needed to change somethings about myself, but I really didn’t.

But that’s all part of life. Living. Learning. Loving… amirite?

am i right?

Let’s do this 2017!

To being more intentional and less … well un-intentional this year! 🙂

Cheers!

E